Meet Wesley Jensen

I have had social anxiety for pretty much my whole life. In grade school through high school, I sometimes had a friend, but often, I was a loner. I did not make friends easily. I had a friend in the first and second grades, but he moved away after that. When I was in 4th grade, I had a nice and friendly teacher who helped me to feel more comfortable. In elementary school, there was a kid I was interested in being friends with, but I don't think he was that interested in being friends with me. He just let me hang around him, and we went to church with the same congregation. In junior high, I got picked on by a few people. Some bothered me with what they said. Perhaps my sister had the best advice about them: "Just ignore them". I took piano lessons from the time I was about 11 until I was a senior in high school. I started singing in choirs in junior high school. I had no idea why, except that my older brother sang in school choirs. There was the occasional rude remark, like: "He can't even talk. How can he sing?" But it was worth pursuing, for what was in store for the future. Likewise, I went to church dances, with unforeseen benefits coming in the future. I was uncertain and insecure about my dancing at first, but I eventually got to where I was a good dancer and had my own moves for "fast dances". When I was in 9th grade choir, there was another tenor whom I liked, and he seemed to be fine with me. I was fairly comfortable with him. There was a girl in my special singing group, called the McCormick McMelodies, who wanted to be my friend. I was mostly unaware of that. There was a girl I had a crush on, whose name was Emily. I was nervous around her, and it got us into some awkward situations. I had 4 different teachers who changed the seating arrangement so I would be sitting by her. At lunch in high school, I sat with some other members of my church, at the "Mormon table". Emily was nice and sat next to me several times at lunch. Alas, these things didn't make it so I could be comfortable around her; I still got nervous. But I was glad I mustered the courage to ask her to dance with me 3 different times. I had a Spanish teacher in high school who became my friend. He was nice to me. He got me to join the Ski Club (after I had gone to the Winter Park Ski Music Festival), and we even went on 3 ski trips together. 

I have been affected socially by a problem I have had where I process information more slowly than normal. One elementary school teacher compensated by giving me extra time to think when calling on me. I worked with a few social workers when I was in school. Since then, I have learned to take advantage of the things I have previously had time to think about and reflect on.

What I have learned from my grade school years was that it's good to look for good people who have compassion, treat you right, and want to be your friends. They may be few, but they will be there. And don't pay attention to the people who give you problems. You'll have more peace when you don't respond to them. But report them to a teacher or other authority if you need to. Don't waste your time and energy on situations where things just aren't working out. Skills and hobbies can be useful; such as singing, dancing, skiing, and playing the piano. They can help you to connect with people. So can knowledge of sports and other interesting things that you can talk about.

I decided to go on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, in spite of my social anxiety and difficulties. The work was rather difficult for me, and I felt nervous. I got along with my companions most of the time, but there was a little bit of conflict between us. When I was with my last companion, we were similar (and he was another Wesley), and we got along great. For the first time, I really started to enjoy what I was doing. I became more confident and felt less and less shy. 

After 3 weeks with my last companion, I was losing control. I didn't know what was happening to me, but I was going into my first manic phase and losing touch with reality. My companion knew there was something really wrong with me after I read a scripture that I thought meant that I should shave my head, so I did (all except for the back, when I ran out of razor cartridges). My companion called the mission president, who knew about mental illness. He sent the zone leaders to talk to me. Eventually, I went to talk to the mission president. He told me that he needed to send me home. I accepted that. I flew home with another missionary, who was very patient and helpful. I went into the hospital after I got home. While I was there, I started having some delusional fears, and my mood crashed. I went into a severe depression. I went home after a couple of weeks. I was blessed by the fact that my dad had studied social work, so he understood what mental illnesses were and how they were treated. My first episode (or phase) was extra hard for me to deal with. I felt bad every day during the depression, and I tended to blame myself because I didn't understand the nature of mental conditions. It took me about 6 months for me to get out of the depression. 

By the summer of 1998, I was doing better because of the medications that I was taking. I started taking classes at Utah State. In the summer, I took a math class and a tennis class. I was doing well for my first year in school. I met my future wife, Christina, in the fall of 1998. We discovered our shared liking for dancing, singing, and playing the piano. I was attracted to her like a magnet. We didn't get married that first time around, but a seed was planted. That first year of college was one of the best times of my life. And I've thought about how I never would have met Christina if I had taken my own life during my first severe depression. 

As I went on with school, I started to struggle with it. On top of that, I started having problems with my dad around 2003 because I was critical of him. I also started developing a pornography addiction around that time. Life was not amazing anymore. Starting in 2002, I was having a mental health episode about every other year, on even years. I was not experienced enough in working with mental health professionals, partly because my dad was pretty much in charge of my mental health situation. He and my mom would go with me to my appointments with my prescriber and did most of the talking. If my dad perceived a problem with my mental health, he would call my prescriber himself to get advice from him. He may have been overprotective, and he had his weaknesses, but I could have gotten along with him better if I had been willing to focus on what I could control, which was my own behavior. 

In 2004, I had major mood swings. I was manic or hypomanic in the summer. At the end of the summer, I had a mood crash that led to another severe depression. If that had caused me to take my own life, I never would have married my wife (after a long time). I still took classes in the fall because my drafting program was going to end soon. I took 2 classes, even while severely depressed. In one class, which was a manufacturing processes class, my instructor helped me to get a C grade; the lowest allowable grade that could count toward graduation. For the other class, I didn't attend it enough. It was a residential architecture class. The instructor gave me an incomplete grade so that I could finish the class later, and I did. I graduated with an associate's degree in Computer Aided Drafting and Design in the spring of 2005. 

Soon after that, I got a job doing drafting for Utah State. Then my parents decided to go on a mission. Early in 2006, my brother and I moved to Logan and were roommates. I was not yet ready to handle my own mental health case. In the fall of that year, I made a mistake with one of my medications. It was a benzodiazepine, and I took more of it than was prescribed. It affected my judgment, and I made a couple of dumb mistakes in my communications with women. I eventually got off of the medication, after some damage was done. After that, I had trouble keeping my employment. I went to live with my parents again, and I got on Social Security. I was hospitalized in 2008 after my anxiety got too high, and then I struggled with some paranoia and delusional thinking while in the hospital. In 2010, I had learned about a nutritional supplement that was supposed to help people have better mental health. I wanted to try it and to try to get off of my medications. It didn't work out, and after a few hospital visits, I was sent to the Utah State Hospital in Provo. It was a good hospital, but not a good place to go because of some of the patients who were sent there. Some of them had bad ideas about religion. I was discharged after being there for a year and a half, in 2012. 

And 2012 was the year I broke the trend of having an episode on even years, because I had learned how to effectively work with my prescriber. I had also become better at working with my therapist than I used to be. I have not been hospitalized in a mental health unit since that year. I began going to groups at my local mental health clubhouse. I developed the skills to live independently. I got a cat, which helped me to cope with loneliness and stress. From 2013 to 2015, I worked at Deseret Industries. In about 2016, I met my best friend. I attended some pornography addiction support groups. For a little while, I was more focused on methods, like learning about why pornography was bad, than I was on my spiritual recovery. After studying medical coding, I worked at Franklin County Medical Center from 2017 to 2022. That allowed me to buy my first car. Later, I decided to go back into drafting and got a certificate from Bridgerland Technical College. I became more focused on the 12 steps and allowing God to help me in my recovery. In 2022, I met 2 more good friends. Also in 2022, I finally overcame my pornography addiction, after I decided to make sacrifices and to prioritize my recovery over convenience of internet access. I decided to give up my cable TV and home internet. I got back in touch with Christina, and we started officially dating in April of 2023. We had made finding someone to marry a matter of prayer. In addition to our shared interests, we complement each other well with our strengths and weaknesses, and we're comfortable with each other. We got married in September of 2023. After that, in November, I got a new prescriber. I have gotten better than I was before I started seeing her. My advice is: If you get stuck and aren't getting better like you need to with your current psychiatrist or prescriber, you may need to get a new one.

I would say that life is amazing again for me, because I'm married, mentally stable, and addiction free.

You are not defined by your challenges, but learning to overcome and cope with them can help you to be a better person.